Arti Spread to Choke Whole Foods

At my local Whole Foods they carry the yummiest Spinach-Artichoke spread that I would consume like a freak before 2010 (when I became vegan). However, new vegan converts all go through a stage of checking everything they used to love for animal products and that damn spread had parmesan cheese in it! You can imagine my despair. However, I vowed to make something even better than the old stuff and just make Whole Foods suck it!

You will need the following:

• 1 can of artichoke hearts (you can also play around with marinated ones which will make for the KING of spreads. Try these too and these. Honestly, I'm not sure which kind I used and these cans all look like it! So um, check ingredients please because perhaps some aren't vegan. I know the ones I used were vegan but yeah, just err on the side of caution)
• 1/8 cup of olive oil
• 1/2 cup pine nuts
• 1 handful of spinach (don't go overboard with the spinach because it WILL get caught in your teeth)
• 4 leaves fresh basil or 2 tsp. dried basil
• 2 cloves of garlic (feel free to sauté these in olive oil before adding them to the spread. I did but you really don't need to be an overachiever)

The procedure

Just throw everything into the food processor, man. The amount of olive oil listed is the most you should use but start out with less. If you can, perhaps drizzle it in through the top until it looks like you could spread the stuff on bread. Pair with your favorite vegan bread!

Chocolate Mint 'Nice Cream'

I scream, you scream, we all scream "HOW IS VEGAN ICE CREAM POSSIBLE?!" Through my magical vegan superpowers, that's how. I began trying to make vegan ice cream since 2010 and it always turned out icy because soymilk has a lot more water in it than regular milk and this was before I discovered the scrumptious properties of coconut cream. This stuff turns out with a completely NON-icy texture but still has no cow tears involved :)

You will need the following:

• 3/4 cups chocolate soymilk (if you don't wanna go buy it then use vanilla soymilk and 1/4 cup cocoa powder)
• 1/4 cup canola/vegetable oil
• 4 tablespoons vegan sugar (not all sugar is made vegan-see footnote)
• 1 teaspoon mint extract

The Procedure:

Blend together the soymilk and vegetable oil for one minute.

Add sugar and mint extract and blend for one minute more.

Now you have a choice-

1-Add to your ice cream maker and follow the manufacturer's directions

2-Freeze overnight. This might give you a harder ice cream because it won't incorporate air like an ice cream maker would but both ways taste the same ;)

FOOTNOTE: Evaporated cane sugar and beet sugar are fine. Lots of your commercial sugars are filtered using char from animal bones. Look for organic sugars or 'vegan sugars.' Whole Foods carries a variety of vegan sugar. Some people use agave nectar but watch out because that adds to the liquid, same with maple syrup. DOMINO BRAND USES BONE CHAR FILTERS.

The Best Lemon Sorbet You've EVER Had (but actually)

Oh my GOD! You have not TASTED lemon sorbet until you've tasted this stuff. I invented this recipe last summer when the AC was barely working and sucking on icecubes just wasn't cutting it. The use of vodka here makes it so that the water doesn't freeze all the way and so you have sorbet and not really good frozen lemonade.

You will need the following:

• 2 and 1/2 cups water
• 1 cup sugar
• 6 lemons
• 3 tablespoons vodka

The Procedure

In a medium sauce pan, combine 1/2 cup water and the sugar. Grate the zest from 2 lemons directly into this mixture (don't heat yet!).

Juice all the lemons (including the 2 you zested) and keep in a separate bowl.

Heat the water, sugar, and zest. Stir frequently until the sugar is completely dissolved. Remove from heat and add remaining 2 cups water (we'll call this the syrup from now on). Chill syrup in refrigerator until completely cool.

Stir lemon juice and vodka into the chilled sugar syrup.

Now you have two options.

1-chill in your icecream maker following manufacturer's directions.

2-freeze for 4-8 hours, stirring every 45 minutes until completely frozen. (This is a pain but it works)

Enjoy by the pool in a vintage swimming costume or after a barbeque (at which you probably supped on chips and salad if you were lucky).

Whatever you do-don't share! Sharing is for losers.