Kickass Cupcake King!

With 'Sticky Fingers', health junkies, and immigrant take-out places, D.C. is a pretty swell place to be vegan....that is if you're one of those people who's willing to pay $8 for a cupcake that could be made with that Crisco frosting that leaves a greasy aftertaste in your animal-loving mouth.

So your next bet is to turn to come good ol' fashioned cake mix. You use your trusty fake-egg substitute and soymilk instead of the real milk. (Maybe you get fancy and throw in a few dashes of vanilla extract-but I don't know you so maybe you don't. I do) And you pour your heart and soul into les petites gateaux and...they flop. They freaking overflow the pan and then make forlorn little pancake hats and end up tasting like shit.

It's not your fault. Blame the heartless institutions that assume we're all non-vegans and call for eggs and milk in their cakes. Maybe you feel the need to tag their buildings with rude anti-corporation slogans and sad faces. Now I'm not telling you to vandalize but I'm on the other side of the screen and really can't stop you if that's what you feel like doing.

So once you get home and wash the spray-paint off your hands, why don't you give it another try with these beauties?

Photoshoot with the strawberry sisters=success!

You will need the following:

1 1/2 cups coconut milk diluted to the consistency of soymilk (slightly thicker than water) OR vanilla soymilk

3 teaspoons apple cider vinegar

2 1/2 cups flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 1/2 cups sugar

1/2 cup of vegetable oil

3 teaspoons vanilla extract

3 tablespoons rainbow sprinkles

The Procedure

 Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Line 24-cup muffin tin with paper or foil cupcake liners. Set aside.

In a small bowl, combine the coconut milk and vinegar. Set aside.

In a medium bowl combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Mix together (I use a whisk for dry mixtures). Set aside.

In a large bowl, cream together the sugar, oil, and vanilla. Stir in the coconut milk mixture. Mix. Slowly add the dry ingredients and stir until it's all smooth and batter-y looking. Stir in the sprinkles. These are optional but comeon, THEY MAKE YOUR CUPCAKES INTO FREAKING FUNFETTI!!!!

Pour the batter into the prepared cups, filling them up about 2/3 of the way and bake until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out with cake all clumped to it or clean and the tops should be a TINY bit golden brown-about 20-25 minutes.

Let them cool before frosting cuz otherwise your beauteous frosting will melt and be stupid.

Now you can take your pick from any of the frostings bellow! Do a double recipe of the frostings though cuz they're all made for one dozen cupcakes and you just made 24.



Chocolate Frosting:

2 cups of vegan confectioners' sugar

1/3 cup dutch-press cocoa powder

1/2 cup of margarine

2-4 tablespoons chocolate soymilk

Whirl everything together in your electric-beater thingy until it resembles frosting. Add the soymilk gradually until the frosting reaches a soft-peak stage. Use to frost cool cupcakes. Add sprinkles if you wanna be classy ;)

Like this, man. Easy peasy

lemon squeezy.

and speaking of lemons...

Lemon/Lime Frosting

2 1/4 cups of vegan confectioners' sugar

1/2 cup of margarine

1 tablespoon lemon or lime zest

1 tablespoon lemon or lime juice

Whirl everything together in your electric-beater thingy until it resembles frosting. Add the soymilk gradually until the frosting reaches a soft-peak stage. Use to frost cool cupcakes. Add sprinkles if you wanna be classy ;)

Vanilla Frosting for you boring mofos

2 cups vegan confectioners' sugar

1/2 cup margarine

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Whirl everything together in your electric-beater thingy until it resembles frosting. Add the soymilk gradually until the frosting reaches a soft-peak stage. Use to frost cool cupcakes. Add sprinkles if you wanna be classy ;)

Minty Fresh Frosting for date night

2 cups vegan confectioners' sugar

1/2 cup margarine

1 teaspoon mint extract

Whirl everything together in your electric-beater thingy until it resembles frosting. Add the soymilk gradually until the frosting reaches a soft-peak stage. Use to frost cool cupcakes. Add sprinkles if you wanna be classy ;)