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Saturday, April 21, 2012

Sinful Cake Brownie

Well you know how sometimes my style of cooking is just sorta throwing a bunch of yummy things on the stove and seeing if together they make one new big yummy thing? (My logic is flawless.) Well I DIDN'T do that this time! I actually used knowledge of ratios and stuff! I deserve to be promoted into Smart Kids' Math.
So this time I made what I call 'Sinful Cake Brownie.' Except it's not sinful cuz nothing needs to die or be hurt to make it! Kidding! Not really. Heh. Vegans.
And it's kinda good for you!

You will need the following:
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cups unsweetened cocoa powder (I like dutch-press but any kind'll do)
1 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1 1/4 cups vegan sugar
1/2 cup vegan margarine
3/4 cup coffee (room temp. or cooler)
2 tsp. vanilla extract
4 squares chopped Baker's semisweet chocolate or 1/3 cup vegan chocolate chips
1/3 cup oats
1 tablespoon chia seeds (optional)

The Procedure
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Oil (I sprayed it with PAM but they also have Smart Balance PAM stuff or you could smear it with some margarine in a pinch) a cake pan (go with a deepish one if you can. Otherwise do a normal 8-inch brownie pan)
In a large bowl mix your flour, cocoa, baking powder, and salt. Set aside.
In an electric mixter cream the sugar and margarine. Slowly add the coffee (make sure it's cooled or it'll melt the butter!) and vanilla extract. Then fold the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients. Fold in the chocolate, oats, and chia.
Scrape the batter into your prepared cake pan and bake for 40 minutes. A good way of telling if it's done is prick the center with a fork and if the tines come out with clumped cake-y stuff on them it's good. If the tines come out with oozy batter on them then keep baking. If the tines come out clean, then, well, I'm sorry. Your cake is overcooked and will be dry. Not my fault.
If you want to serve the cake brownie to others then wait for 30 minutes before cutting into it or else it'll crumble.
If you're eating alone then just wait until it's cool enough to not burn your tongue and have at it because let's face it-you just made a damn good cake brownie. Keep telling yourself the oats make it good for you, that'll allow you to rationalize seconds ;)

I like to pour chocolate soymilk over my cake to cut the richness and if you're being fancy then maybe you can pour the soymilk around the sides while serving slices on petite little saucers. So you're fancy AND a good cook AND a vegan-basically the whole package, sister.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Bounty Pudding (for thee who imbibes cocoa)

There are the days I really need some chocolate. There are the days I need to feel wholesome. There are the days when I really don't have the patience for baking. Sadly, today all of these days were TOday. So I sorta made this recipe up by pulling a Colonial Hog and rooting around for some good shit in the pantry. As a result of my endeavors, I'm going to dub this little delicacy "Bounty Pudding" because...it's pudding...and it's bountiful.  Duh.You're not very smart, are you?
Why does everything look prettier in a wineglass?

You will need the following:
1 1/2 cups chocolate soymilk
2 tablespoons cornstarch
2 tbs unsweetened shredded coconut
1/2 cup oats
1/4 cup slivered almonds/chopped pecans/chopped walnuts
1 ripe banana, chopped
2 squares chopped Baker's semisweet chocolate or 1/4 cup vegan chocolate chips
2 teaspoons chia or flaxseed

The Procedure
Take your soymilk and set it on medium-low heat in a small saucepan. Then take the cornstarch, coconut, and oats and toss 'em all in there. Begin to whisk, from now on only take a break from whisking to add more ingredients. If you stop whisking for too long it'll clump. After about 2 minutes, throw in the almonds. Stir for another minute. Now toss in the bananas and chocolate, by now the mixture should be thickening. Keep stirring until the chocolate is melted and the mixture reaches a pudding-like consistancy (remember, it'll thicken as it cools, too).
Throw in your chia at last minute (if it gets too warm it'll lose its Omega-3s). Now you have two options.
1-you can pop it in the fridge overnight and have a delicious pudding for the morning (cuz you're so rebelious you eat dessert for breakfast, man)

2-EAT IT RIGHT FREAKING NOW! You don't care that it's hot, you'll just dip some grannysmith apples in it and call it healthy fondue! You'll serve it with some vegan soy vanilla ice cream! You'll eat it straight from the pan because no one is looking! Do itttttt

Chocolate and bananas. Proof God is real.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Pieeerrrfect Pierogies

Every good thing comes with a price. That said, let me start out by saying I nearly burnt down the house. Operative word here being nearly. Just remember kids, hot oil+water=fire (for some strange chemistry reason I could PROBABLY figure out but choose not to).
Another thing-when you make pierogies you totally forget what a pain in the arse they are to make and you only remember the yummyness. So this note is just for me: PIEROGIES ARE A FREAKING PAIN IN THE ASS!
Also, you usually end up making too much filling and you're stuck with spiced mashed potatoes that everyone is too full of pierogies to devour so you're forced to try and freeze them and see what happens.

If you're still reading then I can conclude that you're damn crazy and you're probably a freak for fried food. We should be friends, you and I.


You will need the following:
for the dough-
  • 2 cups all purpose flour
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 2 tablespoons olive oil
  • 1/2 cup of hot water

for the filling-
  • 4 russet potatoes
  • 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons Old Bay Seasoning or Cajun Seasoning (adjust to taste)
  • 2 tablespoons olive oil
You'll want extra olive oil for frying (a lot extra)

Dough
Throw flour and salt into food processor and pulse until evenly distributed.
Turn machine on all the way and slowly drizzle the olive oil in through the top.
Add water the same way. The dough should form into a tacky ball. If this does not occur then you may add up to 1/4 cup more of hot water. If you add too much hot water then just sprinkle in more flour through the top with the machine on-this dough is quite forgiving.
Set aside.

Filling
Prick potatoes with knife or fork and microwave for 5 minutes, flip, and then for another 2-7 minutes (the time can vary depending on microwave strength and potato size. Just keep stabbing with a fork every 2 minutes until it feels like the right consistency (a bit firmer than mashed potatoes but definitely edible).
Take out potatoes and turn on cold water in the sink. With the water running over your hands, it's quite easy to use your fingers to scrape the skins off the hot potatoes.
Throw potatoes into a bowl and mash with the pepper, Old Bay, and olive oil (DO NOT OVER-MASH!)

Together at Last <3
Set a large pot of water to boil and pour about 2 tablespoons of olive oil into a frying pan (I like cast-iron)
Meanwhile....
Take half the dough and roll out on a floured surface in something like a square or rectangle that is about 1/4-1/8th of an inch thick. Cut the square into smaller squares that are about 3x3 inches. In the middle of the dough, plop about a tablespoon of the filling and fold dough over, patting down until it's in the shape of a rectangle. Dip a fork in some water and use the fork to firmly press down the edges

Do this procedure to all the pierogies. Remember that frying pan with the olive oil in it? Turn the heat to medium beneath it and by now the water in the other pan should be boiling.
Now take 3 pierogies and drop them into the boiling water and wait until they rise to the surface of the water (about 3 minutes)



 Once they rise to the surface of the water, you'll want a slotted or holey spoon like this:
Use this sort of spoon to scoop the pierogies out from the water and into the sizzling oil, let as much water as you can fall from the pierogies back into the boiling pot before you put them in the oil. Be ready to jump back because the oil will sizzle something fierce (see footnote).
Fry the pierogies until golden brown
Use your trusted holey spoon and scoop the pierogies from the oil and onto a plate with paper towels on it. You'll want to keep layering the paper towels over each layer of the pierogies so they don't get greasy.
Speaking of grease, you'll wanna replenish your oil in the pan every so often (it'll evaporate and get soaked up) so that your pierogies don't char or stick to the bottom of the pan. Remember, oil is hot and can cause fires and try not to do this home alone or at least not without a trusty neighbor to call on for assistance if a fire breaks loose (see footnote).

Finally, you're finished! Now you can try dipping your pierogies in balsamic vinegar, vegan sour cream, or just enjoy 'em plain!

P. S. Veganously is not responsible for any burns, fires, messes, or unpleasant results of this recipe.


FOOTNOTE: If a fire breaks out then turn off the heat, cover the pan, and if that fails-call a trusted adult who won't tattle on you and perhaps try to smother the fire with baking soda.
If THAT fails then call 911, put on a push-up bra and your most smoldering makeup, and wait for them sexy firemen to come bursting through your door.
My friend met her husband that way.
Ok, not really.
But wouldn't that be nice?
Doesn't hurt to be prepared, girlfriend!